Today is April 5th 2020, I woke up at 11:20am because my mom wanted me to make her breakfast since she hurt her back and how I’m such a nice daughter; I woke up and did it! Which was kinda hard because I decided that today would be the beginning of “MY THREE DAY FAST FAST AST AST AST” (Eco for emphasis). Well, it’s 12:20pm they’re fed, i didn’t consume any of the food. I don’t feel hungry I just wish I could taste the food, but I guess that’s what’s wrong since I don’t eat to calm my hunger but because I get bored and or curious.
Sooo.. I’ve been attempting to attempt to lose weight! (YAY) But I’ve failed over and over and over and over again. Because let’s face it, food is awesome. Well I’ve decided that final NO MAS. I will get my shit together starting tomorrow April 5th I’ll start a 3 DAY WATER FASTING! Well it’s 3:15am so technically today!
I’ve started recording myself talking about all the things I’m gonna do. (Hopefully) I’ve decided to wake up whenever I do and record whenever I want to eat something and then just Not! GENIUS! I know it just came to me like a dream.. I’ve decided to pull my wonderful man into this but I know he’ll give up around 2pm I gotta remain strong! All I wanna do is detox to be able to start MY SUGAR FREE LIFE STYLE!!
I titled this one “This’ll do” because well.. I had no better tittle so that did do the job just fine!
Dear Not One Soul..
I’ve been “slackin” as the young people say. I’ve been completely lost for words ever since this epidemic started. Days became weeks, weeks became months and months remained months because it hasn’t been that long to be honest. But the fact that I have not been writing as much as I would like to has come to mind. Every time I attempt to “Blog” I turn around and end up at the fridge! I know what’s going on with that? In the last few day I have not typed one word, but I’ve gained plenty of pounds *sad face*
But not everything’s bad.. let me tell you THE MEMES! The memes Jesus Christ they’re gold. They’re so good I gave my daughter to my mother so I could take a “Nap” well I didn’t! I spent 2 hours laughing on Facebook and every other “social” media that I use solely for memes, granted I’m incredibly tired now but I believe it was worth it! WORTH IT!
I don’t think I’ve mentioned I have siblings One of each actually! Yes that’s right. A Republican and a Democrat. Nope jk. We’re not religious.. Jk again! Well I’m the oldest of 3 Me being a WOMAN, my brother being a 20 year old boy and my sister being a 16 year old Grandma.. all and all we get along great! fight are decent, joke are okay, we don’t really do name calling but we make up for it with healthy psychological abuse.. you know the usual.. one day I’ll go deeper into how and who they are mainly my sister since my brother will probably kill me for mentioning he exist. Well goodnight and have a great apocalypse!
Hello! yeah.. I was meant to do this as much as I could. You know the blogging thing; the thing that was supposed to help me get my thought together? Yeah. it was working for a while and I felt very content I felt like I was finally getting something done from the 1000 things that I’m planning on doing. Thinking “if I put it on paper it will look more real” amongst a bunch of things that I’m planning on doing without discussing it with anyone until they’re done but I’m yet to begin *sigh* without further ado the “list of wants to dos”
1. AIR FORCES
I wanted to join a branch of the military for a long time now, without saying my whole life. I think that’s the type of life for me and I still till this day want to do it. I just need to lose SOME WEIGHT (40lb to be exact). I’ve been attempting to lose this weight since I gave birth to my daughter 5 months ago (shout to you baby! You’re the real). But it’s been futile no matter how much I try. Therefore I’m still waiting to enlist.
2. LOSE WEIGHT
As I mentioned in my first point I’m trying to lose 40lbs to join the Air Force but not solely that, more than just that I also plane and simple want to lose weight. I want to look good. You see, I believe I have one SEXY man by my side. My husband’s a stunning tall chocolate man, with a gorgeous smile and amazing face, he’s so beautiful *drools* he’s the love of my life I just want him to look at me the way I look at him, I’m not saying he doesn’t But just in case. Well, the point is I wanna match with him, I want to look good next to him, for him (but mostly me). I want to wear nice clothes and I want to feel good in my own skin above a bunch of other things; I just want to. But I don’t want to ask for help because then, I’d be judged every time I quit. I know, it’s not a good reason.
I want to start and finish my career! I was supposed to start school at “HUNTER BUSINESS SCHOOL” this April 6th or 17th one or the other. Due to “THE CORONA!” everything was postponed and I will now start maybe May 4th MAYBE and that’s a huge maybe, (we can say IT “MAY” HAPPEN HAHAHAHAH). It’s a 7 month class from mon-fri for Computer Tech blah blah. Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty cool and I’m very interested. It’s just I wanna get to the point. I want to also enlist on this 3 month realestate licensing deal and also join a 3 month coding camp that’s a lil over a year to complete everything, and still I haven’t even gotten started GREAT! Maybe I should have added all those in the list but they all fall in the category of learning.
4. WIN AT MOTHERHOOD
I want to be the very best mom, the best there ever was. My babies are AMAZING they’re smart they deserve a full time mom who’s only interest it’s keeping their environment clean and their bellies full and just love em 24/7, 7 days a week, 31 days a month, 52 weeks a year, all 12 months of the year and 365 days of the year. (Except Tuesdays and Bank Holiday JK JK ). I want to bake, take children to soccer have the house spotless and cook for my family. BUT I also want to kick ass at work and school and I sadly am not that skilled AT ALL.
I’m trying very hard to get started and rock as a mommy. I figured it gonna take a while. I’ve given myself until I’m 26 to accomplished most of my goals while being a great mom (which is my priority) after that I’ll just be content with being a great mommy but for now.. I need to get started and try and kick butt!
I have my father. I mean we all do. but I don’t have my him the way other girls have their fathers. I have him very present, he’s just not here. I have him very close, but he’s far away, I keep him on my mind, even though we haven’t spoken, I keep him with me everywhere I go, he’s just not around me.
This is not meant to be a sad poem, or a way to speak of the pain of not having my father. Because I do. I have him, he’s just not with me.
It’s day one of lock down and I feel the walls closing in on me; I don’t know if I’m sick or I’m just acting sick because people keep talking about being sick. All I know it’s my head hurt and we only have very thin toilet paper sheets, I hate it here.
We still have food and the house is clean. My siblings and I ordered “Uber Eats”, they said they “waived the delivery fees”- they lied. It was expensive, my wallet cried. My brother said he’d pay half.. I know that money is gone, it’s fine. I’ll eat him first if we run out of food. We’re all calm, so far the only “sick one” is me. I don’t care if they think I’m lying! I think my head hurts.
My boyfriend left the house with my infant to his mothers house to visit; I’m left alone with the child. He keeps asking for cereal, I keep repeating “in a second, in a second” It’s been an hour; it’s 11pm. I know won’t give him any, he just hasn’t caught on. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a bad person he’s had 2 bowls of cereal already and- wait.. why am I explaining my parenting to myself? I know what I did! I’m fine with it.
All and all my mother went and gathered the essentials. Tuna, eggs, milk, water and of course toilet paper and before any of you zero audience start judging. We’re 8 in my house, a lot of butts to clean! BUT Still 3 bags of 30 toilet paper rolls aren’t enough! I’m not ashamed to admit I did what I had to do to take care of my family! I stole 3 rolls from my job and my brother took 2 from his dentist. No, don’t judge! these are desperate times! We’ll survive.
My sisters an asshole. Today while she was trying to be supportive she decided to go through my BRAND NEW BLOG (Check it out). everything was going great! We were laughing enjoying my GENIUS. until! she noticed i wrote “plane” instead of “plain” in my post I titled “Tough..” (Don’t check its gone) in which I listed a few of the things that I think are hard on my way to becoming a decent blogger. Now I should add that Grammar it’s not my strong suit, it’s not even my soft suit. It’s not a suit for me. I’m naked out here no grammar suit for Linda.
You may be asking yourself “Why does she want to blog then?” Well because beside the fact that I don’t have patience, dedication or proper grammar I do enjoy typing and expressing myself through words. Also I don’t want to just give it up Just because sometimes I have to change the word I’m using with another synonym because I can’t spell the first one and I have to sit and re-write and add some words to make sense of the sentence and- Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yes. I like to write I want to write and be heard and hopefully someone will hopefully identify with what I’m talking about. Hopefully.
Now before I started this rant yes, my sister made fun of me. Yes, she is 16years old and yes, I started documenting it AS SOON as she started laughing. What can I say? I’m working with what I got haha.